I was trying to maintain a personal journal and a kids journal and it got too overwhelming so I decided to just combine everything here. No one really reads this but hopefully I can figure out some different settings.
The first half of 2016 was personally a very dark time. I think I am finally able to write some words down because I am slowly coming out of it. The last time I experienced this type of depression was 10-12 years ago. I was hesitant to admit to myself that I was going through a similar period because it took a long time and a lot of work to get myself out of it and to build something stronger in my life. But if I think of it that way, it must mean something stronger and meaningful is at the horizon waiting to greet me.
Once I was able to admit this, I wanted to seek help asap so that I could be present for my children. I don't want to this to affect my ability to be a mother.
A culmination of little things here and there the past few weeks has reawakened my awareness of just how much my God personally loves me. I used to think of it in different terms but I realized - if I constantly want to tell my kids and husband that I love them, and I feel compelled to show them any chance I get and I want to hear it and feel it from them all the time as well... God constantly wants to tell me and show me how much he loves me. And I believe He is constantly pouring out love at every minute (I don't think it is passive)... I just need to be aware of it and be able to receive it. Also, it is a foreign and awkward concept for me because of my background... but this also made me realize that I am worthy and I can expect and want to be showered by His Love ALL THE TIME.
A lot of realizing going on over here... I hope some of it sticks.
Mental Bookmarks:
- Larry Mantle segment - The American tradition of modifying, tweaking, and customizing our meals.
http://www.scpr.org/programs/airtalk/2016/05/20/49049/the-american-tradition-of-modifying-tweaking-and-c/
American individualism, need to be special.
- Invisibilia Podcast, Episode 1 The Secret History of Thoughts
Theories of counseling/therapy are evolving on what it means to have negative thoughts and how to deal with them.
- Inside Out Pixar Movie
Way too many feelings. Had a good cry.. something I haven't been able to do for a few years.
