Friday, June 15, 2012

Day 25

Thursday was pretty eventful for you Titus.

At 4am, I placed you on your changing table and proceeded to change your poopy diaper. When I opened it up, I saw that you weren't fully done pooping. Your poo actually shot out at me, sprayed onto my shirt, my upper thigh and some hit the ground. You haven't experienced life until you've been hit with poop.

Then later in the evening around 9pm, while you were in the arms of Grandma Park being fed, you projectile vomited. Vomit literally projected our of your mouth and nose like a rainbow, twice. I didn't know your stomach could hold such volume.

As difficult it must have been for you, I was in shock by the end of the day and worried about your digestive system. The internet told us that this is all normal so we let out a sigh of relief. haha.

I also went out for the very first time without you. I went to the high school graduation of a few of my students. It felt wrong being separated from you, only at 3 weeks. I'm trying not to think about when I go back to work. It's only a few weeks away now and I want to make sure I get to know you as much as I can before I have to divide my time between family and work.

I am worried about going back to work. July is the busiest work month in the year for me and it was hard enough working without being pregnant or being a mother. I don't know how my body and mind will get through the month. I am seriously contemplating taking another break in August.. but there would be financial consequences.

One day at a time.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Day 23

A mist the late night feedings, sleeping in 2.5 hour increments, being confined to a room with a person you can't have a real conversation with for 3 weeks, feeling like you're doing this alone and starting to get antsy... I was pleasantly encouraged by my husband, James.

He had fallen asleep with Titus in his arms. He nudged my awake and asked me to put him down in his "crib". He passed out on the bed with no pillow or blanket. Later when I tried to place a pillow behind his head, the movement stirred him and he quickly started patting and rocking an invisible Titus in his arms. I waited to place the blanket on him.. and same thing.. he started patting an invisible Titus.
he's really a dad. haha.

we're really parents!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Day 19

It's 8:20PM and I don't think I even brushed my teeth today.

motherhood.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

-20 days until your estimated birthday

you father (who has been pretty calm and collected throughout the entire pregnancy so far) is finally facing the reality that you are really coming and coming soon. he's been my rock the past 8 months. he's helped with keeping everything in perspective and was good at keeping me somewhat sane.. but i think it's my turn now to help him get ready for you.

almost all the materialistic things you need is ready for you.
dr. kim thinks you won't be staying inside until may 14th. as of now, you are coming early. i think we get a better idea at this saturday's doctor's appointment. (btw.. you've been covering your face for the last few ultrasounds, so we don't know what you look like anymore. maybe you're camera shy like your parents).

when i was young.. i used to have a list of what i would not do as a mother. i was worried that when i became an adult, i would forget all the things i hated about my own mother and repeat the same cycle with my kids. now that i have grown up i've realized...

- my mom is still the same, so i never forgot about the things i didn't want to repeat as a parent.
- i can see that years of planning how not to become my mother was not a good thing in the end. it clouded my memories of all the good things my mom did for me and my siblings (more on that later). i've decided to try to think of all the things that i love about my mom and be that & more for you.


as i was typing this post, you are doing the usual rhythmic punching with your arms but also stretching out your feet at the same time. it's like you're telling me.. "i want oooouttt!!"

Thursday, April 19, 2012

-25 days left until your estimated birthday

so today.. i got cankles.
my feet were so bloated by the end of the day that my feet would not properly fit
into my rainbow sandals. this feels ridiculous.
my ankles look like i sprained them.
the lines/wrinkles on my feet have disappeared.
looking at my hands and feet, it reminds me of the overweight people in wall-e.
this day made me feel progressively more and more cranky and irritated.
it was one of those days that i thought would never end.
i want to say tomorrow will be better, but it will be just as busy as today.

my feet look like the michelin man's.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

-27 days until your estimated birthday

ONLY 3-4 WEEKS UNTIL WE MEET YOU, TITUS!!

i freak out every day now.
my body is getting heavier with each step.
i will eat something and it makes me gain double the weight.
it feels like i've been waiting in line to get on a roller coaster.
now i'm in the seat, all strapped in, going up the steep climb before the crazy dips and loops.
my palms are sweaty and my heart is racing. there's no turning back.
it will be exhilarating and chaotic.

you are growing bigger and running out of room to wiggle around. your movements are more deliberate and hard. you shift from left to right. you are awake/move around for much longer now. you must be feeling restless too. haha.


"get your nipples ready, Titus" - mom.


Sunday afternoon, your dad, aunt Jessica, and i were hanging out, as usual. aunt Jessica wanted to know if we would let you get piercings or tattoos. I think you can get any piercing, as long as you're 18 or older. Because tattoos are permanent, and people ever change and grow, I would want you to get one in your 20's, after you've given some thought to what is so important to you that you would want to inscribe on your body to have as a daily reminder. if i think of something that important and permanent, i would get a tattoo.

as for your dad... he said you can get anything pierced.. even your nipples.
but you must know that he will pull on your nipple ring everyday. haha.


Sunday, April 8, 2012

-36 days until your estimated birthday

I might as well put it out there...

we are worried about the name Titus. we chose it because it sounds strong, bold, different (i've never met a Titus in my life) and biblical. It means defender or title of honor. He was a Greek Christian missionary to whom Paul wrote the canonical letter Titus (a book in the Bible).

we are worried about people calling you tit. titty. tight ass.

if we have to give you a nickname... i would personally prefer ty. but if people insist on calling you any of the 3 names i've listed, i'm hoping it would give you a good sense of humor or build character.

Titus was the name we had in mind from the beginning.

I thought it would be fun to name you Luke, because I saw a clip where a dad said, "Luke, I am your father" into a pregnant mom's stomach. I also thought that Anakin sounded like a cool name, but he becomes darth vader in star wars.

we are still working on your middle/korean name. maybe we're still working on your first name too?

Friday, April 6, 2012

-38 days until your estimated birthday

nightmares.

apparently.. these types of dreams are common.

i had a dream that we were living in an awesome industrial loft that was huge. it was a week after your birth and your dad's friends came over to meet you. we were downstairs welcoming them in when i realized that it had been a week since you were born and i had not fed you nor changed your diaper EVER. i had a panic attack and i was running upstairs to check if you were still alive when i woke up from the dream.

your dad went to sleep with his hands on my stomach and as a consequence..
had a dream that he was feeling you kick. the kicks got stronger & stronger, and you ended up kicking your way out of my stomach and came out like a monster.

so. yea.
we are definitely ready for you.
we have no fears whatsoever about becoming first time parents.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

-41 days left until your estimated birthday

this past weekend your dad and i went to a Star Wars exhibit at the discovery science center. they had actual models and costumes from some of the movies. your dad was so excited. when he was young in korea, he watched star wars episode IV every day after school, to the point he memorized all the words.

for our one year wedding anniversary we took a road trip to San Francisco, Portland, and Seattle. we missed the star wars exhibit in seattle by a few weeks, so when we heard it was going to be in LA, we knew we had to go.

at the science center, it was the first time we were surrounded by so many pregnant moms, babies, toddlers, and kids. the entire building was filled with sound and movement. i was surprised to find peace and quiet in the bathroom. while we were waiting in line to get into the exhibit, your dad and i talked about where we would take you. the zoo, aquarium, and science center would be a must. your dad wanted to know when we would have time to visit all these places. when i told him i could take you on the weekday mornings, he refused. even though it could be more convenient, he doesn't want to miss out on going to new places and watching you experience them.

the exhibit itself was okay. i thought that the exhibit would have been larger with more behind the scenes information about each model. they did explain how some of the cars were made and shot to look like they were floating.

we are bad at remembering to take pictures.
we are also surprisingly very un-photogenic. haha.
we always go somewhere and think, 'why didn't we bring our camera?'
we are trying to work on that. in preparation for you, we are buying a video camera.
your dad was really excited at the exhibit.
i've never seen him take so many pictures at one place. (i think he's a geek.)

at 33 weeks, i'm starting to feel like i'm ready for you to come out,Titus, so we can go out and experience all the things we've been planning.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

-46 days until your estimated birthday

this morning i craved a sausage patty from mc donald's with their syrup. eww?
i could smell it everywhere. literally from the moment i woke up, to sending your dad to work, to in the bathroom. it was everywhere. the desire subsided a little after i ate breakfast. whew.

yesterday you had a quiet day. you didn't move or kick too much & your movements were much more gentle. thank you. but i woke up this morning and you were back to your aggressive antics.

i've stopped washing my face at night.
it's a combination of you growing bigger and me being short. bending over the sink to wash my face is very difficult and uncomfortable. so i've been using cold cream and facial wipes to get the day off my face.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

-48 days until your estimated birthday

after one of the most difficult nights to date (got less than 2 hours of sleep)...
this video brought a much needed comic relief to this whole pregnancy thing.




Monday, March 26, 2012

-49 days until your estimated birthday

when i look down at my bare stomach.. 
it looks like i'm staring down at a whole turkey before it goes into the oven.

we are in month 8 now. in the beginning of the pregnancy, i thought that this would be my opportunity to eat healthier. to change some of my unhealthy habits (forever), since i heard some where that it takes 3 months to turn something into a habit. and i thought.. i have 9 months!

but what i've realized over the past few weeks is that the things i do to find comfort or stress relief aren't available to me right now. i didn't realize how much i enjoyed shopping. i don't find joy in that right now since i won't be able to wear any of the clothes i purchase after you are here. we've been putting off shopping for you until we figure out exactly what we need and how much we need before you come (but i am waiting for some cute things i bought online for you). if i go mall walking in the mornings, i'd be too tired to teach in the afternoons. i love eating junk/bad food. the rare times when i do eat it these days, i feel guilty because i'm not giving you any nutrition by eating those foods. i've been caving in the past 2 weeks. sorry Titus! playing flute gets harder and harder every day since you're growing so much and pushing on my organs.

so in the final 2 months (woah woah wooooooaaaaaahhhhh.. whaaaaaaatttt??? omg. ahhhhh!!) i am going to try  to find new ways to relieve my stress. currently i've been turning to watching too much tv, baking, and reading. but they haven't been helping.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

-54 days until your estimated birthday

i craved beef and broccoli yesterday. it was unexpected.
i haven't had terribly crazy cravings while pregnant so far (like pickles & ice cream). your dad thinks that you might be taking after him. he likes to eat almost everything and doesn't really have a preference.

but foods i have craved so far...
apple juice, boba, corn dogs, pasta with lots of cheese, mexican pizza from taco bell, and fried chicken.
the only weird one was korean style cooked pig's head that's been pressed (i didn't even know what it tasted like, but i wanted it)

i've always had a sweet tooth, but during the last trimester it's been on overdrive.
to try to make it a bit healthier.. i've been baking chocolate chip cookies and banana walnut bread with whole wheat flour. but the problem is.. I BAKE ALL THE TIME. perhaps it's my own way of nesting? haha.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Book Review: Battle Hymn Of The Tiger Mother

By Amy Chua

[four out of five diapers]

This was a quick and easy read. I actually enjoyed the book very much. I think the people who criticized her parenting decisions did not read the book or were unable to relate to even one aspect of the book. Yes, from a Western point of view, her tactics seem over the top. But she continually reminds the reader why she makes her parenting decisions.

What I took away from the book is that Amy Chua never gave up on her kids, eveeeer. And despite all the fights because of her unrelenting "parenting", her daughters never questioned or had doubt about their mother's love for them. Also, I find her husband to be a remarkable man. He managed to keep a united front as parents and kept their arguments private from the daughters.

I share Chua's fear of family decline. She quotes a Chinese saying that "prosperity can never last for three generations". Even in myself or my peers, growing up upper middle class, I see the decline of drive and ambition that was in my grandparents and my parents. I see even less ambition, care for the future or success in some of my students. I worry if my students or my children will realize how much hard work it takes their parents for them to enjoy their socioeconomic status and how hard they will have to work to just maintain that status in their adult life.


-55 days until your estimated birthday

Titus, you are 32 weeks old.

your dad started a new job yesterday.
we had a 7 week mini vacation of sorts.

the 7 weeks was the first time we spent so much time together. except for the 4-7 hours when i was teaching flute at home or at the hakwon a few blocks away, your father and i spent the rest of the day together. i feel blessed that we had that time together. we had time to talk & share more than usual and enjoy the last time in our lives as a couple WITHOUT KIDS. haha. because once you're here, we will be parents FOREVER.

Dad worked at Hana Financial but now works at City National Bank as a loan officer. Long story short, he took a risk and decided that this could be a better opportunity for him and his vision for the future. I think it's important that you know what your parents do for a living and how they provide for you. It's unbelievable that I have so many students who have no idea what their parents do.

my favorite memories of the 7 weeks will be ...
  • your father's beard
  • eating at all sorts of restaurants
  • staying in bed until price is right started, then watching it while eating cereal in bed              (cheerios with organic fat free milk for me (to be healthy for you) and frosted flakes with lactaid for your dad (he has lactose intolerance)) 
  • being hugged by your dad every morning with you in the middle and having the overwhelming feeling of being completely loved.                                                                                    we can't wait to give you those hugs!

as far as your growth..
you are on a different playing field now. sure you still kick here and there, do your usual thing. but now, we can see my stomach jolt, move, or shift from a dome leaning to the right to leaning to the left when you move around. we feel an occasional limb as well.

p.s. your dad is worried that blogspot/blogger won't last until you will be able to read/appreciate this & all this will be lost.



Thursday, March 15, 2012

-60 days until your estimated birthday

while your dad and i were having lunch today, i shared i couldn't wait to put you in a stroller and go on walks in the morning before i start teaching in the afternoons. your dad said he wants to take you to the park as soon as you can run. he was also excited that we can finally use our picnic basket (that he got from work for free) & pack lunch on Saturdays to go to the park as a family.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

-61 days until your estimated birthday

Titus, when your dad comes to bed after I've already fallen asleep, he warms his hands by rubbing them together then places them on my tummy to feel you kick & move before he falls asleep.

at first, both of us were completely weirded out when we felt you squirming around. now, sitting on the couch and feeling you move around is how we like to spend our nights.

Monday, March 12, 2012

-63 days until your estimated birthday

This is one of, if not, the very first praise song I ever learned. 
I try to sing this to you every day.


God Is So Good
Ron Kenoly

God is so good
God is so good
God is so good, He's so good to me.

He took my sin
He took my sin
He took my sin, He's so good to me

Now I am free
Now I am free
Now I am free, He's so good to me

He loves me so
He loves me so
He loves me so, He's so good to me.


Sunday, March 11, 2012

-64 days until your estimated birthday

Titus, you are 30 weeks old & due May 14th, 2012.


this weekend, your grandma got some clothes and a blanket with a giraffe on it for you. your dad and i thought that maybe we could use the giraffe as a theme for you. we started making a list of the things we need to buy and prepare before you arrive in a few months. we are getting excited about preparing a place for you in our home. i'm not sure where all your things will fit, but we're cleaning out closets and reorganizing to make room for you!

while aunt jessica and i were watching trailers for the movie hunger games, you were kicking and moving so much in my stomach that we could see my tummy moving and jiggling around. 


I finished reading "The Everything Get Ready for Baby Book".
It was the first practical book I read on how to prepare for the baby. It gave a good overview on what to expect right before and after the baby arrives. I would recommend it as a good starting off point. I am going back to the library to decide whether to use "Your Baby's First Year week by week" or "What To Expect The 1st Year" as a day to day guide.

Musings from the first week of the year

- Sunday, December 30th Dinner at Mario's for Chris's Birthday! - Monday, December 31st Short hike at Zuma beach to watch the la...